The people who told me I wasn’t disciplined or focused enough to be my best and hit my potential were wrong…
Back in my 20s, a coworker’s eyes filled with shocked when Tim mentioned I graduated from Georgetown cum laude. I had just pulled a big prank on the guy, crouching down behind him while he walked backwards and fell over me. He had trouble believing someone who goofed off could also be intelligent…
At both track and OCR races, I remember getting a negative vibe when I beat someone who had a more serious demeanor than I did. It felt as if they thought I didn’t deserve it. I was certainly putting in the work, day after day. My unconscious tactic for staying relaxed on raceday was to smile, laugh, chit-chat, and and make jokes. (Similarly, have you seen multiple-time Olympian gold medal sprinter, Usain Bolt? He’s a total goofball before his races!)
At the last Marathon Olympic trials, competitors were shocked that Molly Seidel finished top three in the because she was having “too much fun in the lobby”, laughing with her coach and goofing off, the NY Times reported. Somewhere along the way, I picked up on this idea that I wasn’t taken seriously (and therefore must not take my running ambitions seriously) if I was enjoying myself while racing, only to discover, thankfully, that for me, that is entirely untrue.
Upon reflection, I’m glad I didn’t win that race, or even come close. If I had, the lesson for me would be to continue to greatly reduce the amount of fun and laughter in my life and put on a serious, hard-core demeanor, spending less time doing things I enjoy and more time doing things that I thought would help me get faster, stronger, and more mentally prepared – that meant less time snuggling and watching comedies with my family and more time mantra-ing, visualizing, and analyzing races with a fine-toothed comb. (I did that, and I somehow still screwed up on an obstacle because it was built differently.)
Also, I had more physical setbacks pop up in the form of nagging injuries such as Achilles tendonitis and Golfer’s elbow, likely because my body was tight from an unrelaxed nervous system. All that left me with was a homesick racer, missing her family, turning down fun opportunities do do shows like Ninja Warrior, Wipeout, and World Chase Tag, with higher pressure to produce a particular outcome to “make it all worth it.”
I learned my lesson: do it the way that has worked for me for 25 years. Nearly every person I used to race track and races and even an obstacle course racing my first year nine years ago doesn’t race anymore. This could be for a variety of reasons, but those if you want I’ve asked have given the same reason as at least playing a large part: mental and emotional burnout.
I still have the desire, but I’m no longer relying upon that achievement to bring me lasting happiness. I can feel good in everyday ways that are more within my control, thus giving myself, as life coach and author Tony Robbins recommends, a larger gap in which to find and cultivate joy.
How does one do that? Great question! I just checked out every book on happiness that I could find. Doing some serious research…stay tuned.
Are we happy because we race well or do we race well because we’re happy?
Before the recent 3k OCRWC World Championship race, I traded in my social self for a serious one (big mistake – more on that later) and ended up running a sub-par race. Super nervous the day before? Super disappointed after? With over 300, trust me – this is NOT my style.
(I know that style is not emotionally sustainable, but something about turning 40 shifted my usual do-your-best, have-fun, don’t-get-too-caught-up-in-the-outcome race mindset that has allowed me to experience immense joy while racing for 25 years.)
Something had to change.
So, the next day, I sought out every baby, kid, dog, and weirdo in a costume I could find, and my mood lifted with every drool and barf-filled smile.
The result?
I lined up for the team relay the following day relaxed and feeling more like my old self again. My friends and I worked together, raced well, and had a blast! Mission accomplished. Oh, and we did win, too – but that was just a bonus.
You put in the work toward – you committed with heart and soul. You stuck with it no matter what, through setbacks and unforeseen obstacles. You never lost faith in your ability to improve. Only you know what that took. Remember those extra obstacles Life threw at you near the end there? That was to test your fortitude and commitment. You passed, with flying colors. Congrats.
Don’t get too caught up in whether did or did not achieve your exact goal, whether you reached the proverbial mountaintop or had to turn back early due to fatigue, a twisted ankle, or bad weather (that is, things you could or could not control).
You chose this trail. You enjoyed it – both the good views/smooth trail AND the tricky spots. The mountain never promises easy footing and good weather. Mountains do what mountains do – they challenge you. They can lift you up AND knock you down. So keep climbing, keep your head up, and keep showing those mountains what you’re made of. (Oh, and remember to stop and enjoy the view.) 😊
We won the OCR World Championship Pro Women’s Team Relay today! Two years in a row! What a wonderful consolation prize after coming up short of my outcome goal on Friday.
Hannah Holmes started us out in the lead, and Kris Rugloski and I both added to it, until the very end, where we three joined back up, worked through the last few obstacles together, finishing strong, with big smiles.
I’d like to give a huge shout-out to Kris for an incredible weekend of back-to-back racing and to Hannah for overcoming her fear of a psychological obstacle that involves a big, high leap from a platform to a slanted wall with only a pipe to grab.
A big thank you goes to OCRWC for adding in such a fantastic team event. It reminds me of the 4x400m relay at the end of a track meet – no matter how your race/races went that day, the relay at the end gives you a chance to put your Self aside and focus on the team, which often brings out a level of performance we didn’t know we were capable of, since it’s for something bigger than us. (Speaking of, our t-shirts are from Steve McCollum of Back2back ministries – check out what B2b does for kids in poverty around the world!)
Yes, we love to compete, but really, we are all just out here using sport to become the best version of ourselves. Obstacle course racing provides an opportunity to practice the life skills of mental fortitude, pivoting, learning from mistakes, and – during the relay, communication and teamwork – a fun and challenging way to build life skills!
A sports psychologist once told me to plan something fun to do after a race so that no matter the outcome of the race, I have something to get my mind off things. My old coach, Hobie, told me to wear my Wonder Woman costume and cheer on the kids at the kids race, which he knew would be meaningful to me and make me smile.
This got me thinking of a list I’ve never seen but that could be valuable…
How to Fail Gracefully
1) Despite failing (real or perceived), finish the race/project/speech, etc. as well as possible. In other words, don’t quit just because you’re falling short of your goal. Shift your mindset, pivot, and finish with your best.
2) Congratulate the winner (if it is a competition), and be genuine – they worked hard, too.
3) Allow yourself to grieve the loss of achieving the goal. If you truly went for it, you’re going to feel disappointed. Let the sadness hit ya, cry it out, etc. Talk with a partner or friend. Express frustration. It’s all normal and healthy.
4) Take care of yourself – eat, drink, shower – even if it takes effort to get off the pout couch.
5) Sleep, and if you can – don’t set an alarm. It may take awhile to fall asleep, as thoughts and analyzations race through your head (a meditation app can help) and getting a full night’s sleep recharges emotional batteries.
6) Wake up with a mantra that challenges you to have the best day possible. Let go of the idea that you disappointed people. People just want to see you happy, and there was never assurance that hitting the goal was going to make you happy anyway. Remember, “happiness is an inside job.”
7) Pick a new goal you’re excited about and get after it. If it’s the same goal as before, analyze how you can go for it better and take action toward that new plan right away. (Need to work on grip strength? Join that climbing gym! Need to work on presentation skills? Hire that speech coach!)
I thought I had to win a world championship to write my own book/make a course/catapult my public speaking career on how to have a Winner’s Mindset, but perhaps what the world could use is a book called “Loser’s Mindset: How to stay energized and focused after falling short of a goal.”
How’s that for a pivot? J I’m proud of myself. Today is turning out to be a wonderful day already! Thanks again for all the unconditional love and support, everyone!
