As I sit here to reflect on 2018 with a gash on my forehead from running into a tree branch last week, I wish I could say that was the dumbest thing I did all year…
But 2018 for me was full of mistakes, most of which I’m not exactly proud of, like how trying to squeeze in one last hard training session before leaving for American Ninja without warming up led me to get a calf strain and not only fall within a few seconds of competing on the show, but also be so caught up in healing my calf strain that week that I put off changing my oil when the light came on, only to have my car die on the way home from ANW competition, costing me thousands of dollars to replace our only car.
Not my brightest moment.
But amidst many more silly mistakes, there is a mistake I’m proud of: I moved from my hometown of Seattle to Colorado to fully pursue my athletic career, thinking that was the best place to train and get back into fighting shape within a year of having a baby.
It was a risk, it was tough to do with a newborn, and I ended up being wrong.
But in battling post-partum depression in a new town, I realized how important my hometown friends are to me, and, without my siblings around to check in on their little sis, I learned catch myself when anxious thoughts like, “What if my husband, Tim’s cancer comes back?” flooded my mind and change my mindset. I learned to “self-soothe” by prioritizing self-care, taking pressure off myself, and learning to “live in the moment” each time my baby smiles, giggles, or gives a hug, reminding myself that my family (an countless families around the world) have survived MUCH worse, and that life, in general, is grand, even when it feels relatively difficult.
That humbling experience now allows me to be there for others battling similar feelings, and for that I’m grateful. In fact, I’m launching a new business focused on helping women feel fit, energetic, and confident after giving birth!
My 2018 mistakes caused me to grow. And if my mistakes can help others, then they were totally worth it. ❤️
Do your goals motivate you? Do you aim high enough?
When I was pregnant, I set lofty goals for my first season back. And I didn’t hit a single one of them all year.
Not. A. Single. One.
First new mom up the American Ninja Warrior warped wall? Fell on the first obstacle, so yeah, not even close. Win the OCRWC 3k World Championship? How about 11 spots back (a finish place I’m still grateful for, but not exactly my goal).
But ya know what? As far-fetched as they may have been, I needed those goals to keep me motivated through my wonderful yet exhausting new life with a newborn. I may not have hit those goals in real life, but I got to visualize myself doing it a hundred times in my head, feeling the positive energy people dish out freely to those who win.
It’s not that I need to win to feed my ego; it’s just that as the youngest girl in a big family, I learned that performing well as an athlete was the most effective way for me to earn respect and feel special, and I’ve been training ‘n’ racing hard ever since.
So between holiday parties and enjoying time with family, as you start to think about your goals for next year, I encourage you to go big and aim high. Because whether you achieve them or not, you’re always better off if you go for it!
Looking for ways to feel less anxious and more confident on the starting line? We all are!
Most people tend to feel nervous before a race, (even if they know they prepared themselves well for what lies ahead), and while a few “butterflies” can serve us well, too much anxiety can take the fun out of the overall race experience. Before a race, adrenaline kicks in, leading to an elevated heart rate and an elevated respiration level. For most of us, this is accompanied by a sense of squeamishness in our stomachs.
While most people dread these feelings and tolerate them as a necessary part of racing, author and running coach Matt Fitzgerald recommends we choose to interpret the “butterflies in stomach” feeling as excitement rather than anxiety, since our brain doesn’t know the difference. Certified hypnotherapist Tim Sinnett explains, “One strategy is to try to reduce that intensity of the nervous feeling, but another strategy is to cognitively reframe the feeling from that of nervousness to excitement. The visceral feeling is natural – it’s our interpretation of it that causes anxiety.”
Check out this three-step process for feeling like a superhero on the start line…
1) Cognitively reframe feelings of nervousness to that of excitement (as described above)
2) Do a power pose
-According to social psychologist Amy Cuddy, “Body language affects how others see us, but it may also affect how we see ourselves.” I think this theory has merit, because in my experience, standing tall on the start line in a “Wonder Woman pose” with my arms on hips, chest open, shoulders relaxed, helps me feel confident, empowered, and ready to roll.
3) Wear something that makes you feel confident
-When I do road races, I like to dress up in a superhero costume (e.g. Batgirl or Wonder Woman) because it keeps me relaxed and having fun yet also makes me actually feel like a superhero! According to a study by Danish researchers, this is due to a theory called “enclothed cognition,” which essentially means people dressed a certain way act similarly to the way they are dressed, described in more detail here: https://humanoctane.com/blog/post/enclothed-cognition-html When competing on American Ninja Warrior, I like to wear red, white, and blue, covered in stars; and during wet, muddy obstacle course races, I like to wear sleek, high-quality compression gear. From high school cross country runners wearing their hair in French braids to Olympic track star Alysia Montana wearing a yellow flower in her hair, showing up in your version of makes you look good will help you feel good and feel confident.
Why is confidence so important when it comes to racing? Confidence plays an important role in getting us to perform our best. It takes confidence to go out in a faster heat and work to stay up with a fast pack, and it takes confidence to jump on the monkey bars (without stopping to take a breather) and take a risk tackling them with a high heart rate.
So next time you race, take the time to dress in a way that makes you feel your best, stand on the start line with good posture, and greet feelings of nervousness as a sign that you’re excited and ready to rock your race! Try it and let me know how it works for you!
When people ask me how to get a six-pack, instead of dishing out a challenging routine of running and core work, or throwing out the “abs are made in the kitchen” line, I encourage them to dive passionately into an athletic goal that is so lofty and exciting that it will require/motivate them to train hard, fuel well/healthfully, and stay committed. In the words of super-fit American Ninja Warrior star Jessie Graff, “When I stopped worrying about what I thought I should look like and instead focused on the strength and agility required for skills that inspire me, everything else fell into place.” I completely agree. People might not find this fact satisfying, but I initially got my six-pack by not trying to get it at all. I was so busy training for a 200 miles-in-a-day bike ride, using it as therapy to get over a breakup, that one day I looked down and it was just there. It didn’t change me at all; I simply went from being someone who did not have a visible six pack to someone who did. Sure, I got some sports modeling opportunities because of it, but again, that wasn’t what I was going for. (In fact, I got asked out on fewer dates after getting a six pack, go figure.) I was simply training hard, focused on athletic goals, and eating plenty of healthy food. My body naturally did what it did.
When it comes to caring about how one looks, I feel like there’s a fine balance: care too little and it’s hard to find a job and attract a mate (if you want one), care too much and it can lead to a vulnerable sense of self-worth. I strive to land right within that balanced zone. I care about my appearance to the point of it being a part of healthy self-esteem, though as an athlete by nature, I find happiness in focusing more on what my body can do than what it looks like. It just dawned on me, however, that the last decade or so since college, my weight has fluctuated by 20 or more pounds four times. After college, I gained 20 pounds while working at a summer camp and then dealing with a “quarter-life crisis”, then I lost it inadvertently by training hard after a breakup (plus eating healthier due to having a better job and thus more money to buy fresher food). I gained it back again last year with the weight of my first pregnancy, and now, six months post-partum, the bulk of my pregnancy weight has been shed (though with no promise of a six-pack coming fully back).
Throughout this entire time period, I’ve had a large handful of people make comments on my weight. During the year or two after college in which I carried 20 extra pounds, I remember a guy I was dating pinch my right love handle and say, “What’s this?” implying it was unacceptable. (Bye, bye, guy – that’s a part of me, that’s what that is. To love me is to love all of me, love handles and everythingl.) A year or two later, after I’d lost the weight, another guy I was dating looked at my abs and said, “You’re almost too lean.” I certainly didn’t ask him for his opinion about my body and if it was optimally pleasing to his eye, but he felt entitled to give it anyway. (No, thank you. My goal in life was not to change my body according to the specific standards of each guy I was dating.) During this extra lean time period of my life, which came about from a consistent barrage of athletic goals to challenge myself athletically (from a 200 mile bike ride and a couple triathlons to countless road races, track races, and eventually, obstacle course races), and lasted from my mid-twenties until a year ago (my mid-thirties), when I started to gain pregnancy weight, comments about my physique have mainly been about my “six-pack.” They’ve always been positive in nature, though I try not to overly pay attention to them, in order to stay focused on the reasons I train that motivate me most, which is not to get compliments, but to challenge myself, inspire others to be their best, and be a part of a big, amazing community; things I can do whether I happen to have a six-pack, (like I often do by the end of the racing season) or not, (like I rarely do at the end of my off-season/during the holidays).
Why am I bringing all of this up? Because our society puts such a strong emphasis on looks, especially for women, and I just had an epiphany I’d like to share…
Throughout my weight fluctuations, from looking lean with abs to looking soft in the middle, and there and back again, I can honestly say that I haven’t found any correlation between my level of leanness and my level of happiness.
In other words, when I had my six pack, I did not wake up every morning, high-five myself in the mirror, and walk around with my head held high, ready to conquer the world just because I looked lean. I had just as many personal, day-to-day problems as I did before, (though being fit and healthy enough to race well did contribute to some fun race weekends). Having a six pack did not necessarily mean I won every race, however, and it certainly didn’t mean I was generally better or more valuable than anyone else. And now that I don’t have it, with no promise of ever getting it back again, I do not feel less worthy in society. This is not to say that striving to be fit and healthy cannot help with overall health and happiness, as it definitely can, which is why I’ve found a lot of fulfillment working as a personal trainer for a decade. I just mean that striving for a particular lean look can be stressful, especially since some people have body types where they can be incredibly fit and still not have a six-pack because they come from an “apple-shaped” family. I happen to come from a “pear-shaped” family, where I can lose all but a thin layer of weight on my belly (but no matter how lean I get, my thighs won’t ever look as toned as my upper body and core). Though it’s easier said than done, I’ve learned it’s best not to let things I can’t control bother me, however, and distract from potential life joy; life is just too short. As they say, “Comparison is the thief of joy” – it’s so true!
A common theme I found throughout my years as a personal trainer was that people who wanted to lose weight got better results when they had a performance goal to focus on (e.g. finish a half marathon or do a pullup) rather than simply a weight loss goal. Plus, they enjoyed the process more, feeling empowered as their body became stronger and able to accomplish more, no matter what the scale said that week. Even when I was single and dating, wanting to look good in a pair of jeans has never been enough motivation for me to, say, go do a swim workout on a Saturday morning, but signing up for a triathlon and being legitimately worried that I wouldn’t be able to complete the ½ mile open-water swim was.
At the end of the day, people are driven by different motivations to work out, and I’m not here to preach that one way is better than another – that’s for each individual to decide. But I would encourage anyone who finds themself obsessing over how they look and fretting about each pound to consider looking at their body/weight/working out in a different light. Rather than exercise to look a certain way; I’d encourage them to try setting an athletic goal or signing up for a race they’ll have to really train for in order to finish injury-free. There’s a good chance that focusing on something positive (i.e. an accomplishment) will actually help them reach their aesthetic goal sooner than when focusing on trying to lose ornery weight. It’s human nature to want to look attractive, so I’m not trying to imply that it is more noble to work out to accomplish something than to look good; I’m just saying that my research indicates it’s easier to hit an aesthetic goal by focusing on an athletic goal.
If any of this resonates with you, I say get out there and sign up for something out of your comfort zone and immerse yourself in the training of it so deeply that you don’t have time to analyze every inch of your body. Train so hard you’re too tired to step on the scale, and maybe one day, on your way out for a summer run, you’ll catch a glimpse of your midsection in the mirror, see some ridges, and say to yourself, “hot damn, you look good,” with a satisfying smile.
Baby Taylor arrived on July 28th, 2017, lighting up my world with her spunky personality! Now six months old, she loves to babble, to roll, and to squeal in her daddy’s arms as she watches me fly through the air, working on Ninja moves. She’s a very healthy and active baby who LOVES to be outside, so Tim and I lucked out bigtime. Throughout my pregnancy, I exercised consistently, even racing a 200 meter race the week I was due. Whenever I would post about doing pullups pregnant or doing a half marathon pregnant, most people saw the posts as what they were intended to be: inspiring and educational. Every once in awhile, though, I would get a comment saying I was hurting my baby or even killing my baby by exercising. Now that my baby has been doing fantastically well for six months, I feel confident enough to tell those people…
They were wrong.
It’s not so much that I want to tell them for personal gratification. I’ve come to a beautiful, freeing place in my life, now that I’m a parent, where I simply don’t have the time or energy to care anymore about what people think. My main motivation for writing this post is to let other pregnant women know that what I was doing was fine and healthy for my baby, in case they needed reassurance, as they search for the right balance for them. That’s right – everyone is different, so because I did x or y exercise doesn’t mean someone should follow me exactly, but hopefully sharing my experience training while pregnant will encourage others to do the research needed to figure out what they can do to exercise and stay healthy and fit while pregnant, too – not just for themselves, but for their baby, too, (rather than stay away from all exercise for fear of overdoing it). How does one go about this? Well, it’s not easy. As a professional athlete with many good years of competition left, I wanted to find the balance of staying as fit as I could while erring on the side of safety. I looked for books on high-performance pregnancy, but found practically nothing. A few pro runners have blogs about their experience but I couldn’t find a ton of detail there, so I stared interviewing all of my athletic mama friends. I chatted with everyone from my friends who like to jog for recreation to Olympian Carrie Tollefson, and everyone in between.
What I ended up finding out was right for me was getting rid of my tempo runs, fartlek workouts, and interval workouts, but maintaining my speed drills (e.g. high knees, butt kicks, skips), along with solid-effort sprints that lasted under a minute or so. I continued to strength train, even lifting a significant amount of weight, just not as much as before and I did it all very slowly and carefully, with full and proper form and engagement. That’s what felt right for me. I know some women with healthy babies who still did tempo runs. I have a friend who went skiing well into her second trimester (something I wouldn’t have done) because she is an excellent skier, (far better than I am). The universal truth, besides being careful not to get overheated, is to LISTEN TO YOUR BODY. Now, people throw that term out all the time. And I thought I listened to my body pretty well as an athlete. I had two stress fractures in my first decade of running – just enough to now know and respect the signs of onset before they lead to another such injury.
If you feel judged as a pregnant person or as a parent, you may not know exactly what you’re doing (nobody does!), but just remember, you care more about your baby than anyone else does, especially some random stranger on social media. Whether others are well-meaning or just feeling judge-y, please try to brush off what they say, (at least that’s what I tell myself to do). The next time someone criticizes what I’m doing with my baby, I’m going to ask them for their phone number to come babysit if they think they can do it better. And if they really care that much, they can spend the night and take some night feeding shifts, too.
Listen to me, getting all sassy as a mama.
At the end of the day, with a few rare exceptions, we parents are all trying to do the best we can with the knowledge and experience we may or may not have, feeling scared shitless half the time but going for it anyway.
As I sit here to reflect on 2018 with a gash on my forehead from running into a tree branch last week, I wish I could say that was the dumbest thing I did all year…
But 2018 for me was full of mistakes, most of which I’m not exactly proud of, like how trying to squeeze in one last hard training session before leaving for American Ninja without warming up led me to get a calf strain and not only fall within a few seconds of competing on the show, but also be so caught up in healing my calf strain that week that I put off changing my oil when the light came on, only to have my car die on the way home from ANW competition, costing me thousands of dollars to replace our only car.
Not my brightest moment.
But amidst many more silly mistakes, there is a mistake I’m proud of: I moved from my hometown of Seattle to Colorado to fully pursue my athletic career, thinking that was the best place to train and get back into fighting shape within a year of having a baby.
It was a risk, it was tough to do with a newborn, and I ended up being wrong.
But in battling post-partum depression in a new town, I realized how important my hometown friends are to me, and, without my siblings around to check in on their little sis, I learned catch myself when anxious thoughts like, “What if my husband, Tim’s cancer comes back?” flooded my mind and change my mindset. I learned to “self-soothe” by prioritizing self-care, taking pressure off myself, and learning to “live in the moment” each time my baby smiles, giggles, or gives a hug, reminding myself that my family (an countless families around the world) have survived MUCH worse, and that life, in general, is grand, even when it feels relatively difficult.
That humbling experience now allows me to be there for others battling similar feelings, and for that I’m grateful. In fact, I’m launching a new business focused on helping women feel fit, energetic, and confident after giving birth!
My 2018 mistakes caused me to grow. And if my mistakes can help others, then they were totally worth it. ❤️
Looking for ways to feel less anxious and more confident on the starting line? We all are!
Baby Taylor arrived on July 28th, 2017, lighting up my world with her spunky personality! Now six months old, she loves to babble, to roll, and to squeal in her daddy’s arms as she watches me fly through the air, working on Ninja moves. She’s a very healthy and active baby who LOVES to be outside, so Tim and I lucked out bigtime. Throughout my pregnancy, I exercised consistently, even racing a 200 meter race the week I was due. Whenever I would post about doing pullups pregnant or doing a half marathon pregnant, most people saw the posts as what they were intended to be: inspiring and educational. Every once in awhile, though, I would get a comment saying I was hurting my baby or even killing my baby by exercising. Now that my baby has been doing fantastically well for six months, I feel confident enough to tell those people…
What I ended up finding out was right for me was getting rid of my tempo runs, fartlek workouts, and interval workouts, but maintaining my speed drills (e.g. high knees, butt kicks, skips), along with solid-effort sprints that lasted under a minute or so. I continued to strength train, even lifting a significant amount of weight, just not as much as before and I did it all very slowly and carefully, with full and proper form and engagement. That’s what felt right for me. I know some women with healthy babies who still did tempo runs. I have a friend who went skiing well into her second trimester (something I wouldn’t have done) because she is an excellent skier, (far better than I am). The universal truth, besides being careful not to get overheated, is to LISTEN TO YOUR BODY. Now, people throw that term out all the time. And I thought I listened to my body pretty well as an athlete. I had two stress fractures in my first decade of running – just enough to now know and respect the signs of onset before they lead to another such injury.
If you feel judged as a pregnant person or as a parent, you may not know exactly what you’re doing (nobody does!), but just remember, you care more about your baby than anyone else does, especially some random stranger on social media. Whether others are well-meaning or just feeling judge-y, please try to brush off what they say, (at least that’s what I tell myself to do). The next time someone criticizes what I’m doing with my baby, I’m going to ask them for their phone number to come babysit if they think they can do it better. And if they really care that much, they can spend the night and take some night feeding shifts, too.