It Was Never About The Six Pack
When people ask me how to get a six-pack, instead of dishing out a challenging routine of running and core work, or throwing out the “abs are made in the kitchen” line, I encourage them to dive passionately into an athletic goal that is so lofty and exciting that it will require/motivate them to train hard, fuel well/healthfully, and stay committed. In the words of super-fit American Ninja Warrior star Jessie Graff, “When I stopped worrying about what I thought I should look like and instead focused on the strength and agility required for skills that inspire me, everything else fell into place.” I completely agree. People might not find this fact satisfying, but I initially got my six-pack by not trying to get it at all. I was so busy training for a 200 miles-in-a-day bike ride, using it as therapy to get over a breakup, that one day I looked down and it was just there. It didn’t change me at all; I simply went from being someone who did not have a visible six pack to someone who did. Sure, I got some sports modeling opportunities because of it, but again, that wasn’t what I was going for. (In fact, I got asked out on fewer dates after getting a six pack, go figure.) I was simply training hard, focused on athletic goals, and eating plenty of healthy food. My body naturally did what it did.When it comes to caring about how one looks, I feel like there’s a fine balance: care too little and it’s hard to find a job and attract a mate (if you want one), care too much and it can lead to a vulnerable sense of self-worth. I strive to land right within that balanced zone. I care about my appearance to the point of it being a part of healthy self-esteem, though as an athlete by nature, I find happiness in focusing more on what my body can do than what it looks like. It just dawned on me, however, that the last decade or so since college, my weight has fluctuated by 20 or more pounds four times. After college, I gained 20 pounds while working at a summer camp and then dealing with a “quarter-life crisis”, then I lost it inadvertently by training hard after a breakup (plus eating healthier due to having a better job and thus more money to buy fresher food). I gained it back again last year with the weight of my first pregnancy, and now, six months post-partum, the bulk of my pregnancy weight has been shed (though with no promise of a six-pack coming fully back).
Throughout this entire time period, I’ve had a large handful of people make comments on my weight. During the year or two after college in which I carried 20 extra pounds, I remember a guy I was dating pinch my right love handle and say, “What’s this?” implying it was unacceptable. (Bye, bye, guy – that’s a part of me, that’s what that is. To love me is to love all of me, love handles and everythingl.) A year or two later, after I’d lost the weight, another guy I was dating looked at my abs and said, “You’re almost too lean.” I certainly didn’t ask him for his opinion about my body and if it was optimally pleasing to his eye, but he felt entitled to give it anyway. (No, thank you. My goal in life was not to change my body according to the specific standards of each guy I was dating.) During this extra lean time period of my life, which came about from a consistent barrage of athletic goals to challenge myself athletically (from a 200 mile bike ride and a couple triathlons to countless road races, track races, and eventually, obstacle course races), and lasted from my mid-twenties until a year ago (my mid-thirties), when I started to gain pregnancy weight, comments about my physique have mainly been about my “six-pack.” They’ve always been positive in nature, though I try not to overly pay attention to them, in order to stay focused on the reasons I train that motivate me most, which is not to get compliments, but to challenge myself, inspire others to be their best, and be a part of a big, amazing community; things I can do whether I happen to have a six-pack, (like I often do by the end of the racing season) or not, (like I rarely do at the end of my off-season/during the holidays).
Why am I bringing all of this up? Because our society puts such a strong emphasis on looks, especially for women, and I just had an epiphany I’d like to share…
Throughout my weight fluctuations, from looking lean with abs to looking soft in the middle, and there and back again, I can honestly say that I haven’t found any correlation between my level of leanness and my level of happiness.
In other words, when I had my six pack, I did not wake up every morning, high-five myself in the mirror, and walk around with my head held high, ready to conquer the world just because I looked lean. I had just as many personal, day-to-day problems as I did before, (though being fit and healthy enough to race well did contribute to some fun race weekends). Having a six pack did not necessarily mean I won every race, however, and it certainly didn’t mean I was generally better or more valuable than anyone else. And now that I don’t have it, with no promise of ever getting it back again, I do not feel less worthy in society. This is not to say that striving to be fit and healthy cannot help with overall health and happiness, as it definitely can, which is why I’ve found a lot of fulfillment working as a personal trainer for a decade. I just mean that striving for a particular lean look can be stressful, especially since some people have body types where they can be incredibly fit and still not have a six-pack because they come from an “apple-shaped” family. I happen to come from a “pear-shaped” family, where I can lose all but a thin layer of weight on my belly (but no matter how lean I get, my thighs won’t ever look as toned as my upper body and core). Though it’s easier said than done, I’ve learned it’s best not to let things I can’t control bother me, however, and distract from potential life joy; life is just too short. As they say, “Comparison is the thief of joy” – it’s so true!
A common theme I found throughout my years as a personal trainer was that people who wanted to lose weight got better results when they had a performance goal to focus on (e.g. finish a half marathon or do a pullup) rather than simply a weight loss goal. Plus, they enjoyed the process more, feeling empowered as their body became stronger and able to accomplish more, no matter what the scale said that week. Even when I was single and dating, wanting to look good in a pair of jeans has never been enough motivation for me to, say, go do a swim workout on a Saturday morning, but signing up for a triathlon and being legitimately worried that I wouldn’t be able to complete the ½ mile open-water swim was.
At the end of the day, people are driven by different motivations to work out, and I’m not here to preach that one way is better than another – that’s for each individual to decide. But I would encourage anyone who finds themself obsessing over how they look and fretting about each pound to consider looking at their body/weight/working out in a different light. Rather than exercise to look a certain way; I’d encourage them to try setting an athletic goal or signing up for a race they’ll have to really train for in order to finish injury-free. There’s a good chance that focusing on something positive (i.e. an accomplishment) will actually help them reach their aesthetic goal sooner than when focusing on trying to lose ornery weight. It’s human nature to want to look attractive, so I’m not trying to imply that it is more noble to work out to accomplish something than to look good; I’m just saying that my research indicates it’s easier to hit an aesthetic goal by focusing on an athletic goal.
If any of this resonates with you, I say get out there and sign up for something out of your comfort zone and immerse yourself in the training of it so deeply that you don’t have time to analyze every inch of your body. Train so hard you’re too tired to step on the scale, and maybe one day, on your way out for a summer run, you’ll catch a glimpse of your midsection in the mirror, see some ridges, and say to yourself, “hot damn, you look good,” with a satisfying smile.