On 2/22/11, twelve years ago today, Tim proposed to me on a beautiful houseboat we spent many holidays pet-sitting in, offering me a glittery diamond ring as a symbol of his love and commitment.
Last week, on our way to live/train in Mexico for a month, someone stole it from me, as my carry-on had to be checked last-minute, and I hadn’t yet transferred it back to my hand after taking it off for strength training.
Even though I know things are just things, I still felt mad to have such special things (my engagement and wedding rings) stolen from me. And I couldn’t help but blame myself for leaving a tiny window of opportunity for it to happen.
“You don’t deserve nice things,” the little gremlin in my head told me.
When I arrived in Mexico and realized my rings were stolen, I felt stressed all day (and tired from an early morning flight and oddly cold) yet finally rallied and went on a training run late afternoon with my mind racing, only to get completely lost on new trails, finding myself at dusk surrounded by a dog chasing me to protect its territory, vultures eating animal parts, and truckfuls of guys heading to a party.
Fear filled my mind as I clutched my pepper spray, trying to navigate the ever-changing map on my phone, every terrifying runner story swirling through my head.
Finally, I saw a woman drive past, and I asked her, in my best Spanish, how to get to where I needed to go, before dark. She turned her car around, put out her cigarette for me, and drove me back. I tried to give her some money as a thank-you, but she wouldn’t accept it, simply telling me to not run by myself at night and to avoid that dirt road in particular because it was dangerous.
“Perros?” I said. “Borrachos.” She replied.
For the next week, I felt scared leaving our place. I ran only on treadmills and at a golf course. I looked up flights to go home, only to realize I have no real home right now, no comfort zone to go to…just a storage unit in Boulder (the downside to “adventure life” that nobody talks about).
“This is not how I retire.” I told myself while still in bed one day, wondering how I was going to get my run in.
So instead, I faced my fear. It was time to take action.
An OCR friend, Lauren Taska, who has lived in Cabo, reached out and hooked me up with her training partner here, a Kona athlete named Cibelle. Tim found a group for me to run with, and our AirBnB host’s father, Vicente, drove me through the trails he has run on hundreds of times, showing me the safest places to run. (He, too, preferred to avoid the section I had gotten lost and afraid on. I suppose every city has its safe and not-so-safe places to run.)
The community came together to help me out, and after a week of feeling afraid and wanting to leave Cabo, my mindset has shifted. I can get my training/job done by running with others or, if by myself, in an open, safe trail during the day. Phew!
And after spending time with good friends in town from both Seattle and Colorado, my nervous system is coming down from high-alertness. (At one point, I jumped at the sight of a garbage bag; my heart goes out to people who have experienced real trauma rather than just my perceived experience, like people in the military, and people who have had someone sexually/physically assault them.)
One of my favorite ways to experience a new place is by running in it – I’ve run through parts of Brazil, Ecuador, England, Ireland, Spain, Greece, Canada, Thailand, Costa Rica, the UAE, many parts of Mexico, and nearly half of the United States.
I’ve meant only wonderful and helpful people on my runs, including every time I’ve run in Mexico. Bad things can happen anywhere, however, so these are my top tips for running in a new place:
1) Research where to run (the trails I ran on were generally recommended as good, safe trails, I just needed to research the my exact trail plan better). Apps like MapMyRun and TrailForks can help.
2) Run with others when possible. This is not always easy to do, with varying paces and schedule, so when you can’t find others to run with…
3) Run with pepper spray. A law enforcement office told me “Sabre Red” is the best.
4) Take a self-defense class. I took one back in college, but I’m do for another.
5) Don’t run at night or even late afternoon, in case dusk falls quicker than anticipated.
6) Run without headphones on. I sometimes still listen to music, but I do it without headphones on. Bonus: people on the trail can hear me/my music coming.
I’m grateful that I feel safe again (not something to take for granted), I’m hopeful Aeromexico Airlines will reimburse my stolen rings, (though either way, I still have the love they symbolize – which is what really matters, of course), and I look forward to a chance to enjoy the food, beaches, and warm weather of Mexico, grateful for the mindset tools and community support I needed to shift this trip experience from a bad one to a good one.
As we say in our family when things don’t go right the first time, “Let’s try again.”
To feel pure and utter joy, untethered to a particular result or outcome – what a beautiful feeling. 😊
👉 I’m learning it’s possible to feel as much joy as we want at any given time. It’s not something we have to go earn; it’s a mindset we can cultivate.
👉 What a transformation from the deep disappointment I felt after finishing 7th place at my last world championship to the full joy I feel today after finishing 7th at Spartan Trifecta Worlds.
👉 We can WANT a different result (like I did today, before the rain turned my running trails into a muddy mess) and it’s natural to feel disappointment if we don’t reach it, but…we don’t HAVE to.
👉 Although I prefer to fly while racing, that mud slowed me down enough to see the the beauty of Sparta’s mountains, and the fistbump fist a volunteer held out for me after I pushed through a muddy set of burpees.
👉 It’s like after two days of intense racing, Life forced me to slow down to soak it all in and realize that, hey, I’m running (in Sparta!) the third longest I’ve ever run in my life and only the second time I’ve raced three endurance races in a row (and this time with my body holding up well, injury-free). That’s alone is a personal feat to celebrate.
👉 What a gift to someone always so focused on getting through a race as quickly as possible, focused on achieving a particular result – a chance to savor.
👉 To be able to hold both the pursuit of future greatness and full appreciation of present moment’s simple beauty in one hand…
👆It’s like 20 years of reading self-help books finally came together.
👉I’ve reached a finish line I’ve always wanted – a balance that feels just right…wanting more but not needing it for joy…an inner peace that can thrive next to my inner fire…
Are we happy because we race well or do we race well because we’re happy?
Before the recent 3k OCRWC World Championship race, I traded in my social self for a serious one (big mistake – more on that later) and ended up running a sub-par race. Super nervous the day before? Super disappointed after? With over 300, trust me – this is NOT my style.
(I know that style is not emotionally sustainable, but something about turning 40 shifted my usual do-your-best, have-fun, don’t-get-too-caught-up-in-the-outcome race mindset that has allowed me to experience immense joy while racing for 25 years.)
Something had to change.
So, the next day, I sought out every baby, kid, dog, and weirdo in a costume I could find, and my mood lifted with every drool and barf-filled smile.
The result?
I lined up for the team relay the following day relaxed and feeling more like my old self again. My friends and I worked together, raced well, and had a blast! Mission accomplished. Oh, and we did win, too – but that was just a bonus.
You put in the work toward – you committed with heart and soul. You stuck with it no matter what, through setbacks and unforeseen obstacles. You never lost faith in your ability to improve. Only you know what that took. Remember those extra obstacles Life threw at you near the end there? That was to test your fortitude and commitment. You passed, with flying colors. Congrats.
Don’t get too caught up in whether did or did not achieve your exact goal, whether you reached the proverbial mountaintop or had to turn back early due to fatigue, a twisted ankle, or bad weather (that is, things you could or could not control).
You chose this trail. You enjoyed it – both the good views/smooth trail AND the tricky spots. The mountain never promises easy footing and good weather. Mountains do what mountains do – they challenge you. They can lift you up AND knock you down. So keep climbing, keep your head up, and keep showing those mountains what you’re made of. (Oh, and remember to stop and enjoy the view.) 😊
A sports psychologist once told me to plan something fun to do after a race so that no matter the outcome of the race, I have something to get my mind off things. My old coach, Hobie, told me to wear my Wonder Woman costume and cheer on the kids at the kids race, which he knew would be meaningful to me and make me smile.
This got me thinking of a list I’ve never seen but that could be valuable…
How to Fail Gracefully
1) Despite failing (real or perceived), finish the race/project/speech, etc. as well as possible. In other words, don’t quit just because you’re falling short of your goal. Shift your mindset, pivot, and finish with your best.
2) Congratulate the winner (if it is a competition), and be genuine – they worked hard, too.
3) Allow yourself to grieve the loss of achieving the goal. If you truly went for it, you’re going to feel disappointed. Let the sadness hit ya, cry it out, etc. Talk with a partner or friend. Express frustration. It’s all normal and healthy.
4) Take care of yourself – eat, drink, shower – even if it takes effort to get off the pout couch.
5) Sleep, and if you can – don’t set an alarm. It may take awhile to fall asleep, as thoughts and analyzations race through your head (a meditation app can help) and getting a full night’s sleep recharges emotional batteries.
6) Wake up with a mantra that challenges you to have the best day possible. Let go of the idea that you disappointed people. People just want to see you happy, and there was never assurance that hitting the goal was going to make you happy anyway. Remember, “happiness is an inside job.”
7) Pick a new goal you’re excited about and get after it. If it’s the same goal as before, analyze how you can go for it better and take action toward that new plan right away. (Need to work on grip strength? Join that climbing gym! Need to work on presentation skills? Hire that speech coach!)
I thought I had to win a world championship to write my own book/make a course/catapult my public speaking career on how to have a Winner’s Mindset, but perhaps what the world could use is a book called “Loser’s Mindset: How to stay energized and focused after falling short of a goal.”
How’s that for a pivot? J I’m proud of myself. Today is turning out to be a wonderful day already! Thanks again for all the unconditional love and support, everyone!
